If you’re a newbie in Southeast Asia, and Langkawi happens to be your first island, you’re probably the only one who can truly enjoy it. You and Indians.

WHY LANGKAWI?

I decided to only visit new places this year. Of course, I touch down on oldies too, but the mission is pretty much completed. However, a major lesson I learn by the end of the year is that I haven’t been to some places for good reason. They suck.

I intentionally didn’t do any research – only booked my flight from Penang two days in advance and my accommodation after landing. However, learning about the dark Mahsuri legend lingering over the island made me wonder if the bitter taste of my first impressions might not be accidental. And there really must be something to it, because every time Langkawi comes up in conversation, it turns out I’m not the only one who dislikes it.

LOGISTICS

Langkawi sits on the Malaysia-Thailand border and is easy to reach.. and that’s how it tricks your brain into coming here. An international airport and busy ferry port serve the 3 million lost travelers who pass through here each year.

Useful note: The ferry to Thailand (Koh Lipe) is seasonal (October to May), runs twice a day, and takes only 90 minutes.. which feels so domestic. But. It’s international, and that means passport control. You have to be at the terminal on time, because immigration only opens for 15 minutes – yes, fifteen (what a great job). If you miss it, you’ll need to reschedule your exit (been there, done that).

RENTALS

Plenty of rental options are available at the arrival points, and most accommodations offer them too. Scooters are on average 30-50 MYR (mostly depending on size).

I rented my bike at the airport; the guys were helpful, and I got a good enough hog. But let me say something about the dealers around the ferry: they are some of the rudest people I’ve met during my travels. No matter if you’re looking for a rental, a tour, or any kind of help, they have an attitude from the first word, toss you around, and leave you waiting. Gross.. and they just give you another reason to get out of here.

Useful note: There’s no drop-off/pickup service – if you rent a bike at the airport, you must return it there. This is fine.. until your accommodation is on the other side of the island, and you’re leaving by ferry. Then you’re in for an extra 30-50 minutes back and forth (no biggie, just a mild annoyance).

ROADS

For an island this mundane, the roads are bizarrely good. Amazing drives.. you just don’t get anywhere good. Langkawi is about 320 km², and only around 16% of it is developed. The rest is lush jungle, monkeys, and street dogs. And while cruising through the mountains is pure pleasure, the one-way traffic in towns is a serious vibe-killer. I don’t know who did this (I guess laziness won over traffic planning), but it feels like the devil’s work to put people in misery and make them drive in fucking circles.

STAYS

You can choose from a wide range, from trashy hostels to luxury resorts, but I recommend not going cheap in places like Langkawi – unless you want to deal with mouldy, dirty rooms, sewer smells, bed bugs, and anything else you don’t like sharing your room with.

It’s also smart to think ahead and pick a place location-wise.

• Pantai Cenang is the duty-free shopping area. If you’ve been to Kuta Bali or Pattaya City, you have an idea – same same, just smaller.

• Luxury resorts are in the northwest; private and secluded, meaning there’s nothing outside the hotel walls.

• For decent accommodations with amenities around, I recommend Kuah. There’s variety, and it’s easy to find a daily dose of food and coffee.

I stayed at Signature by The Concept, right next to the Maha Tower, and it was perfect for the price (mid-low range): great view, sunset from the bed, and close to the ferry.

FOOD

The food situation is another kind of hell, especially if you arrive from Penang (IYKYK). There are no typical Langkawi dishes, just the standard Malay-seafood-Indian combo. Boring.

Night markets happen every day in different locations, so you won’t starve to death.. it’s just not the best time for your belly.

Market schedule:

Monday – Ulu Melaka

Tuesday – Kedawang

Wednesday & Saturday – Kuah

Thursday – Temoyong

Friday – Ayer Hangat

Sunday – Maksirat

To ease the suffering of your taste buds, two well-known spots elevate the basics. They truly feel like glitter on mud (we have to appreciate the little):

• Smiling Buffalo – a rustic, recycled garden café near the airport, with an extended menu, not terrible tastes, and good coffee.
• Co B Diem – a coworking- and kid-friendly space with great breakfast and coffee.

By the way, coffee. Malaysia doesn’t produce (enough of) its own coffee; it imports mostly from South America. Therefore, a cappuccino costs 10-15 MYR, which is outrageous. In Langkawi (maybe because of the tax perks), a cup is 10 MYR.. still hurts, but at least you can find proper brews.

SIGHTS

Most people come here for duty-free shopping, but I didn’t see any good deals, so no idea if it’s a scam or what’s going on with the mob.

Typical tourist activities are cheap (like island hopping for 40 MYR). Did I go? No. I thought about it, but after some research, I didn’t feel the thrill – you sit on the boat watching islands and birds from afar more than actually landing, snorkelling, or anything. And that kind of window shopping is not for me.

I have the feeling that people don’t do things out of genuine interest, but because no one wants to face the truth that coming here was a mistake. Either that, or just to kill boredom. However, joy lies somewhere in the wormwood: Langkawi is one of the few places where you can tick everything off the must-do list in three days, and that’s kinda satisfying. I can understand that. Still not interested.

The main attraction, and the reason why the average person comes here, is the Sky Bridge. After spending 85 MYR and two hours, I can say: cute, but overrated. If this is your first suspension bridge and viewpoint of this kind, you’ll love it. If you’ve already been blown away by insane sceneries, I have bad news, bubu: you came too late. There’s definitely a good order to seeing the world, and if you mess it up, some places are better left out.

Useful note: Walking on the bridge is nothing special, and the view angle isn’t the best either. If you want a 360-degree view (and save some money), buy a cable car ticket only. Then, instead of heading to the bridge, walk up a few steps to the restaurant from where everything looks far better. Also, even if you don’t pay an additional fee for the Eagle’s Nest Skywalk, they still let you walk around. Damn, I feel so much scam in the air.

I skipped the Seven Swells waterfall (it presents a nice view from the cable car, so I didn’t feel the need to trek in the heat), but I recommend driving up to Gunung Raya or Puncak Bukit Penarak for sunset. The winding asphalt feels good for the soul, and the views for the eyes. And you can justify a wasted day with something pretty (not stunning, but pretty).

BEACHES

Being an island, Langkawi comes with beaches. Duh. Pantai Cenang may seem like the obvious choice, but the parasailers and jet skis are not the vibe. Next to it, Pantai Tengah feels slightly better and is a good spot for sunsets.

While more and more coastlines disappear from public access (hotels privatize everything), you can still find accessible areas. Pantai Tengkorak (Sandy Skulls Beach) is the mainstream go-to, so expect crowds. Also, beware of the monkeys (hide your plastic bags), and check the tide times, as there’s not much beach left at high tide. Further north, the long stretch of Tanjung Rhu offers more space, privacy, and calm water for floating and surviving enjoying the heat.

TAKEAWAY

I didn’t have expectations, though somehow, I expected more from this island. Maybe it’s just my naivety screaming from the inside, but Langkawi failed. Big time.

Calling this reddish-brown, eagle-shaped land the Jewel of Kedah is bold. Especially since its people turned this 500-million-year-old rock into a duty-free zone. Business and greed take over everything, and I wonder whether the curse of Mahsuri is real and will ever end.. or we people are fucked.

I came to finally cross this island off my list, and honestly, I wouldn’t have missed much if I hadn’t.

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