I have amazing bad ideas, yet the most epic ones come from the Universe. No complaint, I asked for this.

I am one of those who spent the last 2,5 years in the same country – although my leeway was significantly greater than others (Indonesia has plenty of islands, and domestic travel was not an issue). Long story short, I lived in my extended comfort zone. With all this freedom, being in Indonesia felt suffocating and crampy since last year, and I had an inner pressure to get out of here. Only the how, when, and where didn’t crystallize.. until the government dropped the visa bomb, and the drama and confusion added the last straw. I was sick and done (only 9 days before my visa expiration), so the decision was made. I still had some options, but since none of them was favourable (and it looks better in the story), I’ll just say that the Universe gave me no other way than out. And to Thailand because it was the only country I could enter (no coincidence).

My wish was fulfilled, and I got my desired exit. (Of course, not for good, just for this lunatic period.) In a hurry, heightened on emotions, and besides having a one-way ticket to Phuket, I had only some intuitions and the undeniable certainty that this was meant to be and had to happen here and now. Little did I know. Lol. Packing my life in bags, letting go of the hopes of settling (not now, honey), dropping everything, and falling into the.. hmm.. abyss (give me a break, we are going way more dramatic here) was such a Gemini thing. Fuck I love(d) it, but it was scary-exciting. I had no clue what would happen after I got to the airport.

Leaving Bali and entering Bangkok went so smoothly, I couldn’t believe it. It was a unicorn experience with all the glitter and rainbows. I felt uplifted and so in tune with this journey. This feeling stayed with me for about 2 hours (during my transit time at the airport), but then some sneaky gut feeling started whispering that it wouldn’t be good to go to Phuket. Since I already had my ticket and didn’t want to be the negative one (as usual), I ignored the voices in my belly. Surprise! We circulated in the air for 50 minutes before landing in Phuket. – Let’s call this a sign. Then a 10-minute (3 km) taxi ride cost 200 THB. – Let’s call this annoyance. And all this in heavy rain, which started right after landing. – Can’t hear you, shoo shoo. At least I picked a cute accommodation where I could get an actual cappuccino (I’ll come back to this later).

The first morning, I woke up, looked around, and was like Now what? I had to realize that I don’t know how to do nothing; just be and don’t rush to go out and explore. As funny as it sounds, it was quite a struggle forcing myself to lay on the sunbed by the pool and relax. The first 24 hours were (in)tense. I looked fine outside but was screaming, crying, and laughing hysterically inside. Everything happened so fast that I had no time to process all these sudden changes. I was spinning without moving, but the speed was starting to slow down. I’d say it was like the calm before the storm, but the monsoon hit hard, so there was no shortage of storms.

I was looking for an anchor. It didn’t matter whether it was a person, direction, or activity. I was desperate for a fixed point on the horizon before the spinning stopped. Maybe this was just a natural instinct for safety because, at this point, I surely didn’t admit that nothing was under control. But guess what.. there was no anchor.

To be continued..