While waiting for my very first volcano eruption, I have plenty of time to channel all the inputs and feelings I’ve experienced since leaving my motherland.

I am in Bali, and seriously, this island smells different than any other place in Southeast Asia – a perfect fusion of incense, beautiful flowers, and the ocean. I’ve had countless existential crises, self-doubt, and (over)questioning, but I felt infinite happiness, contentment, and peace, too. Not a boring minute since I arrived. I also lost my favourite Ganesha anklet that I wore every day for the last 3 years. But I arrived in Bali the same day Ganesh Chaturthi started, so it seems like a sign and not a loss. Everything happens for a reason; there is magic in every day, and recognizing them requires open eyes and soul, and it seems I have both here.

I chose Bali (the island of the Gods) to find out where God is, what God is. From my point of view, God is not in religion; God is me, God is you, God is nature, God is life, and God is love.

According to the Christian theory, God created the world only to observe himself; he is Everything, so he needed a reflection to see and know himself. Maybe this is the same with us people. I am not my body, I am not my mind, I am not my feelings, but I need all of them to observe and know myself. Everything I see, feel, and think has an external projection on people, situations, and nature.

Everything is everything, but in the end, everything is me. I don’t believe in objective truth – all that we experience in our lives comes from within, and the realization also happens within us. Just because we are part of Everything doesn’t mean that we are identical; millions and millions of tiny bubbles in the big bubble, and this diversity makes our existence beautiful.

I have my own chaos, always had, and in the past days, I’ve been dived into it: I was lost, alone, desperate, but when I stopped (over)thinking, clarity found its way. It’s certainly a higher level of vibration that leads to understanding my world without words, seeing the path, feeling the strength and infinite power, and being home. And here I am now. Home is a feeling, not a place or a person. Home is.. me. It took me a long time – with lots of self-work, losses, and changing my geographical location – to realize that home is and has always been inside me. But it was totally worth it.

Bali stores so many secrets to explore, lessons to learn, and unexplainable things to understand, but I am ready. Even when I’m tired, confused, and have doubts but still no plans, I love every day, every person I meet, every food I taste, and all the sunsets.